Taking chances tonight, I need a fix in those heroin eyes...
by disillusioned
(Oneiric, 1780 views) - 8/19/05
(recorded 8/19/05 @ 5:15:14 AM)
You know that I hate to sleep now, really. It's true. There's something about my sheets, my bed, all of that. They whisper me away.

Sure, they're warm and inviting and comforting, and all the things you'd ever want in a bed. They even occasionally house a mischievous stuffed dog. But sometimes, that's not quite enough. And I keep myself from there as long as practical. And sometimes longer.

You should know my dreams by now. Not all of them; there's a lot. But the ones you wish you dreamed, too. Or the dreams you share with me. Or the ones you'll never understand. "You'll get it one day," I hope to myself, knowing that some people just... don't.

And yet, it's not the dreams that bother me, really. Sometimes, I even embrace them, sometimes I don't know what to think of them. It's the moments before sleep that poke at me. Everyone has their thoughts as they lie there, those precious minutes. And sometimes, it helps if someone's there with you, and sometimes, it doesn't make any difference at all. And if my sheets aren't just right, there are night's where I just won't fall quite right...

It's harder than it looks. I've used the phrase "thinly veiled" a lot lately, about myriad things. Sometimes, I'm coy about the silliest moments. And other times, I'm clear as crystal, with hardly a smudge; no warnings for the birds flying towards. Yet I'm the one who hits the glass.

How's that work, anyway?

You shouldn't ever write off something, but for just one line. It could be the stupidest thing you've ever heard, but grant it the favor, allow it the chance to explain itself with context. I'm learning more than ever how much context truly matters. This may seem self-evident, but when there's so much smoke, and the haze makes twilight, it's hard to find any sort of context in the middle of it all. And things get muddled. And people get hurt. So it becomes a waiting game. Just promise that you won't lie in wait, deluded. Take a step back and examine your folly.

It will make things easier, later on, if all else fails. And make your reward even more sweet when it finally arrives; probably when you least expect it.
Back to disillusioned's Notebook :: Back to the Musings
The last two paragraphs strike a chord in me tonight and if you don't mind, I may just borrow them and make them a maxim to live by for awhile. Thanks. You're not so disillusioned.

   [PromisesToMyself (J) 8/20/05 5:13 AM]

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