Ruth, this is unacceptable.
by disillusioned
(Satire, 1310 views) - 9/23/04
(recorded 9/23/04 @ 1:28:19 AM)
For the love of... ...RUTH! Ruth, honey. Whatever it is you were trying to accomplish, let's not kid ourselves. You failed. No, I don't want to hear about it. I know, I know, you have two kids. I know their father left you three weeks *after* he started banging "dat one white chick". I know, this is your second shift today. That you haven't sat down once yet, let alone eaten a meal. I know these things, I do. But the food was cold and my glass is empty, (not even half-empty, Ruth. not even.) and quite to our disappointment, you didn't even catch on when we stole that beer from the next table. Ruth, now, calm down. No, I don't want to see you cry. What? No, slavery was *not* my fault. I'm Polish. Ruth... I'm just... No, I... Yes, Ruth.... I un... Damn it, please just refill my strawberry lemonade. What's that? Yeah, my "Fling", if that's what you call it so you can charge me an extra 79 cents.

Do one thing and do it well, right Ruth? No, yes I know all about that empty bottle of beer in the ladies room. You should check out the replica of a 3/4 full bottle we have under our table. Still fizzy, even. No, I didn't see where those girls went. Yes, everything's tasting fine- except for these shards of chicken. I could've sworn I ordered chicken *strips*... not... you know... shards. Instead, it's like you've given me some sort of... yes Ruth, I get it. Do you talk like this with all your tables? Is that why it took so long for us.. no, Ruth. Ruth, don't do... I'm *trying* to be civil... Again with the slavery thing? Don't look at me... *I* voted for Lincoln. What's that? No, I was kidding Ruth. Yes, *way* before I was born. You must serve a lot of alcohol to minors. No, kidding again. I didn't mean it. Come now, let's at least be practical. I'm... no, Ruth. Yes, I know exactly what kind of night it has been. You want to spend the evening doing *what*? Oh, with your remote, okay. No, I... Yes, Ruth.

Ruth, what concerns me the most is that you've been absent for almost all of this conversation. No, I'm not calling you unattentive. No, I don't want to try to show you "haw its dun". No, I believe you. Can we get our check, please? Sure, we'll take some of that change off your hands. No, what?! I didn't say anything about a plantation. Yes Ruth, I have the *utmost* respect for Dr. King. Ruth, the balance of this will be on his card. We know Ruth. We know. They had the audacity to blame *you* for their lost libations. I hope they at least tipped. Say that again? No, I was kidding you- I heard you the first... Yes, Ruth. For a laugh, Ruth. Ruth, I'm sorry, but we really must be going. No, no, we must... Yes, Ruth. Well, enjoy that couch of yours at home... We'll see you around next time? No? That's just too bad. Thanks anyway, Ruth.
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