Without center, but I'm... okay? Hardly.
by disillusioned
(Deep Thoughts, 1812 views) - 9/15/04
(recorded 9/15/04 @ 12:56:33 AM)
We all wear our masks. Disguises we don to show the world who we want to be for the moment. Because we don't want "them" to see our fragile interior- the part of us we only let a select few in on. No, that'd be a sign of weakness. That'd be surrender, in its purest form.

"Is this killing you as much as it's killing me? Do you just hide it better? Or is there nothing to hide at all?"

I was about to ask the exact same thing. In fact, I think I just did.

This way we express ourselves, the smiles we fake, the disposition and the mindset we let ourselves fall into- all a clever fabrication of who we want to be for the moment, never revealing who we are. Sometimes, putting on a mask can be the most damning thing you can do. And sometimes, it can be the most empowering.

"You don't know this, but I haven't stopped crying since that night. There's been a tear in my eye, every instant since."

But how could you or anyone else ever tell? You can't see the stains tears leave under that mask.

We turn to our diaries and our journals and our stuffed animals and occasionally to our close friends, revealing to them exactly what a mess we are. We show the ugliest parts of our insides to them and them alone, because we fear the judgement of anyone else. But that's alright. No one else wants to see that stuff anyway, right?.

Truly, we become deluded by our self-endowed feeling of strength. This perception that maybe, just maybe we can make it on our own, and that we'll be better off for it. We don't need someone else to lean on. We're self-made. We're self-sufficient and self-motivated. And besides, friendly support comes a dime a dozen, if we ever find ourselves needing it.

"Sometimes, that mask needs to come off for those you trust the most. There is nothing more important than recognizing who truly loves you and truly cares about you."

Even when you love them. Especially when you hate them.
Previous musing: 51st & Main
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   [enlite (J :: M) 9/15/04 2:36 AM]

Please don't think that you're better off by yourself... you're like me. I'm not better off by myself - I need people. I'm going to tell you something that someone important to me told me when I was having problems (I still am, lol) ... "Love is a crazy bitch of a thing." Life'll go on, you'll be fine.

   [Wildfire (J :: M) 9/15/04 8:02 AM]

Telling people everything--even if they don't care to hear--is pretty liberating.

Masks make me break out. And I hate zits.

   [bondservant (J) 9/15/04 10:02 AM]

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