51st & Main
(Person, 1605 views) - 9/5/04
(recorded 9/5/04 @ 2:21:52 AM)
"This is where I get off," the pretty girl to my right said. She wasn't talking to me; we hadn't said a word to each other on our incredibly short journey together. And yet, I found myself watching her depart, grasped by the void she left in her absence. I missed her, though I never knew her.
The next week, right after my Religions in America class, there she was again, on bus #6731.
It's obnoxious- the bus chimes to tell you to "Please watch your step. Please watch your step." at every stop. It's monotonous and in my mind, rather ineffectual. This time, she sat in the row to my left. Directly. And I thought "how lucky am I?".
I tried to stay calm, to keep casual, but it's hard when someone like that is sitting that close to you. I found myself forming the words in my head:
"Do you know the effect that you have on those around you? Those who've never met you? No? Well, you should."
But I could never say that out loud.
She got off at the next stop, with a bounce in her step and with her hair in her eyes and with those heels- why was she wearing heels?- that seemed to nearly trip her on her way off.
It was another two weeks before I saw her again. She must've got on bus #6548 last week. Or any of the other buses. But not mine. This week, she got on mine again.
She boarded from the front, and my eyes lit up. I felt embarrassed, as if she could see me perk up for her. She walked past me, and I caught a glimpse (if there is such a thing) of her perfume. I think it's called Butterflies; I know it well.
Two stops later and I found myself feeling her absence again. Feeling this longing for... a few words tossed between us? a cursory glance in my direction? some confirmation that I'm *there* to her?
But I was too timid, and I let that 11 minutes we shared on 6731 slip by, fade away.
It wasn't until two months later that I was fortunate enough to see her again. My Religions class was ending early and the rational part of me couldn't justify waiting around another twenty minutes for a chance at... a chance at what? Part of my problem exactly.
The lecture had gone long, and I almost feared it would run over. Instead, it was perfect.
This time, she sat right next to me. Right next to me! I sucked in a sharp breath of air at first, completely taken back by what seemed like fate's work here. I turned towards her, just slightly, and in an instant realized why I had longed for this chance, so. It was simply... her likeness.
"Well, you should," I said.
Previous musing: With nervous smiles lingering, we attacked the day...
Next musing: Without center, but I'm... okay? Hardly.
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