Point-Counterpoint: The Matrix Revolutions
by disillusioned
(Humor, 1881 views) - 11/5/03
(recorded 11/5/03 @ 1:58:04 AM)
***SPOILERS!!! Don't read if you still have a notion of this movie being anything but sucky. If you're expecting sucky, or just don't care about the movie, give it a read.***    

Revolutions made my face hurt.
From the looks of disgust I was displaying constantly

I don't know what I was thinking. "Maybe the Wachowski brothers will figure out what they did wrong in the second one, and bring us back to some incredible bliss-giving film action that the first one rained so purely upon us." Nope. Big nope. Yeah, no.

Where do I start? To begin, I'm not sure why the word "Matrix" is anywhere *in* the title. They spend a whole 20 minutes in the Matrix, and only fight two yawn-inducing "battles". That annoying French-man returns, with his even-hotter-than-before Persephone wife at his sides. Chagrin: The Twins are no where to be found. Unless there was a photo of them hanging somewhere in the non-Matrix.

The movie was slow. Achingly so. This wasn't because the end scene was over-hyped. This was because the entire movie was underpowered. It starts slow, and guess what? It stays that way. I found myself fighting my arm for control over an imaginary remote control; apparently the urge to fast-forward was just too great. Of course, even if I *had* a remote, the only place I would have fast-forwarded to was the credits. Or maybe ten minutes before the credits. Maybe.

The Oracle died. Not in the movie, but in real life. So they came up with some incredibly lame way to maintain her character, but in a different shell. Congratulations, but no amount of closing your eyes and using your imagination will bring her back to her same ol' self. Even if she does still like candy.

One-liners abound. I found myself and my friend practically reciting the movie, and we had never seen it before. The machines take a wildly uncharacteristically altruistic-albeit-for-the-sake-of-self-preservation attitude towards the end, and actually hold up their end of the bargain. I can't imagine why, but The Architect (who makes a brief cameo towards the end) seems to infer that machines are better suited for keeping their "word" than humans are. Or the other way around. I couldn't really tell.

Flaws abound. Like the fact that they bury one of their remaining ships into Zion and then use the EMP rendering *thousands* of "squiddies" dead. I can only imagine why they don't have EMP devices mounted in the homeworld, or at the very least, why a ship wasn't stationed there already to stop the enslaught all at once. (And no, "it would hurt all our defense systems" is *not* an excuse. At all. No!)

Regardless, I seem to remember something in the first Matrix about the EMP being "our only line of defense". If that's true, guess what? The ships have grown their very own lines of *offense* this time around, with lame turret fire and a computer generated gulag of boring.

I couldn't believe the ending. Or the beginning. Or any of the middle. I think my favorite part was when the Oracle made a batch of her cookies. Two reasons, that: A) It reminded me of the first one, and I just had to close my eyes and imagine I wasn't watching *this* one, and B) I like cookies.

A sad, sad day for something that could have been so great. Do yourself a favor, and save your $7.50. I wouldn't *sneak* into this one. Let's have Kill Bill: Volume Two!

The Matrix Revolutions was the best film I've seen in years!
It's true. From the opening credits featuring the breathtakingly computer animated digits compendium swarming like none other to the final scene as the end is unfolded, TM:R captured my heart and soul like only a Wachowski brother movie could.

The fight scene as Zion made its last stand was memorable and priceless. Sure, there were a few slow moments. And that Mouse-lookalike kid sorta bugged me. But then there were the Mechs and the barrage of shells and bullets and more and more heart-pounding action than I could have ever dreamed of!

I also liked that the ending wasn't some grand let down. There wasn't any funny business like Zion being a part of the Matrix. They fed it to us straight, and we ate it up like no one else. Sure, it seems to make very little sense that in the original, the ships only had EMP and they've seemingly *grown* turrets... but those are minor details.

The movie is powerful and shows the true bonds between the people of Zion, and the love that forms them. So much emotion is invoked throughout, I found myself reaching for a tissue at just the right moments.

Then there was the incredible action. From the fights with the French-man's henchmen, (you like that?) to the final show down, it was incredible. Not to mention the incredibly Star-Fox-esque talking face, formed of Sentinels, to communicate with Neo. How they make English-similar vocal patterns is beyond me, but I'm sure *some* fan-site will explain it, *some*where.

The acting was top-notch. Trinity (Carrie-Anne Moss) was in tip-top shape, and the rest of the cast was amazing. Hugo Weaving provided a breathtaking performance in the form of *hundreds* of Agent Smiths. I'm not sure how that man can get do so much at once, but he was terrific.

All in all, The Matrix: Revolutions was an incredible piece of film, and one I hope you'll all take a few hours from your lives to experience. It will bring you closure in the way that only a terrific, inspiring movie like this can, and if you've ever found yourself doubting the very fundamental elements of the human condition and what drives us, you can look to this film to rekindle that passion you once had for others of your race.

It's *that* good!
Back to disillusioned's Notebook :: Back to the Musings
I read that last part as "It will bring you closure in the way that only a traffic accident, inspired by moving like this, can." I actually find this version more realistic, as I'd hate to relive either of those incidents, and probably wouldn't be able to after trying it once.

   [enlite (J :: M) 11/5/03 2:07 AM]


I just saw it. Wow. I was hoping you were wrong. Here's the worst ending for a movie ever: *spoilers of course* Hey, the little girl who no one understands what she's supposed to represent, the asian guy, and the "new shell" for the oracle will all sit on a bench in the park and stare out at the sunset and smile. Wow. I just hope they don't decide to make anymore movies. They're done.

Who else is done? The people who make the Fast and the Furious -slash- XXX -slash- other crap action movies. They have a new one, something about "Road Torque". Oh god, end it all, will you?

   [enlite (J :: M) 11/5/03 10:39 PM]

I know, man. It's depressingly awful. Sorry you had to sit through that.

   [disillusioned (J :: M) 11/5/03 10:57 PM]

How do you think i feel? i was waiting for blockbuster to put a big poster of revoluions on the front windows, so i could take one down at 1:01. now i'll have to settle for elf...

   [survey nine (J) 11/17/03 9:18 AM]

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