Shining through the dust, you found yourself, you found your soul...
by disillusioned
(434 views) - 7/25/03
(recorded 7/25/03 @ 2:59:25 AM)
That title seems almost too existential to be something truly meaningful. Right now I just want to *feel* wanted, stupid as it sounds. Just to feel that there's an equal desire to spend time with me as I spend with them...

It's funny that I keep a seperate journal online, elsewhere... It's a much more emotional journal, and even *it* has private entries... I've noticed as of late that no one uses the private entry option on the site... this is a bit disappointing, but I guess everyone is either more open, or not quite willing enough to bare their souls even to somewhere no one can see but them. (I know no one uses it because I can see a count of entries marked "private", not because I read them)

I'm usually terribly open about my feelings, but recently and throughout, there are feelings, frustrations, and desires that I feel I have to keep to myself, for fear that when they're let into the light, they'll scare off those who read them- especially those who are affected by them.

*sigh*. Keeping feelings to myself is not my strong suit. I feel... captivated and held back when I can't express exactly what I need to, which is why I suppose I write in the first place, even if no one will read it. I just wish I could be 100% completely out there in some respects- there will always, of course, be certain things that should be kept private... but there are other things that I feel... stupid for feeling, and that I shouldn't have to keep private. It's frustrating for the kind of personality I have, to say the least...
Previous entry: My 18th Birthday...
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lol, keeping your emotions bottled inside is great sport. It allows much social maneuverability and creates periodic bursts of creativity that, if channeled properly, can lead to some great work.

Well, take that for what you will...
   [TCcookie (J) 7/25/03 8:30 PM]

Cheer up sport lol. Even if they don't use the private option, they're usin the site :). Which, as of 1:46p.m. on saturday, seems to be getting more hits they the site, I got paid to make. :)

With a more respectful tone, I guess, I too, tend to bottle up emotion, quite a bit. You've heard me rant on before about difficult times in my life. But it wasn't until recently, that I've written (typed) down, the events in my life, as best I could. I've never really kept a journal. The closest thing, that I've come to, to sharing my thoughts with people. Is posting poems at Give it, I've been doing that for about 2 years now. But no longer have time for it. This, I feel, is better. Because, it gives me freedom, in the fact that I can write an actual journal, and have the ability, for private entry. Have the ability to view past writes, and comment on other peoples lives. I'm sharing my life with other people, and it's not consumed by whether or not, they have 5 minutes to read my life story. Either they read it or they don't. But the fact that, I can share personal experiences with other people, is really great i think. I can tell friends I meet in the future, that, if they want, they can come here, and find out more about me. Without me doing a dang thing :). That's the best part about it, is, 10 years from now, i get to come back, and laugh at myself! Plus, i type a lot faster then writing, so that's a HUGE benefit.. (cept i can't spell, but we all knew that)

Anyway, have a good saturday.

- Froz
   [FrozNic (J) 7/26/03 10:54 AM]

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